Christmas Eve

>> Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I've decided to wait until after the New Year to continue my story about mom. I'm having way to many issues, anxiety and depressing moments as it is and I don't think recalling the past 3 years is in my best interest right now. However I will continue to post about whatever is on my mind like now.

The stress Im feeling right now I have NEVER felt at Christmas before. There are soo many things I have to do that mom took care of like Christmas dinner and organizing everything. I don't think my brothers, neices, step dad etc. realize what I'm going through. Everyone is depending on me. So today I will be baking a pie and cake for tomorrow and 10 pounds of potatoes for the inlaws. Finish wrapping my presents, laundry and SHOPPING all before heading over to the inlaws in the afternoon. We won't be getting back til late tonight to put the kids to bed and play Santa. Christmas morning I have to get up early put the ham in, watch the kids open presents, feed them, make potatoes, cleanup and get everyone showered and dressed to go to moms. I'll be taking the food and dessert down where I'll once again watch the kids and family members open gifts then head to the kitchen to make all the side dishes. This may not seems like alot but it's constant move move move. I wonder if maybe this isn't a blessing to keep me going so that my mind and emotions don't get the better of me. I'll just zoom past Christmas with no time to dwell on my grief and pissed off attitude that I don't have mom around. And to top it off I wrapped presents for my step dad on Sunday then on Monday I went back down to wrap more. These presents were from my mom that she had purchased from Jan - April. She had the presents marked who they went to and there I was sitting on the floor writing From: Grandma From: mom.

Do they even appreciate all that I'm trying to do for them? Did we appreciate all that mom did for us?

Posted by ordinarymomss at 3:31 AM

3 comments:

On The Verge December 24, 2008 7:57 AM  

I wish you a peaceful and beautiful Christmas with your family.

Carrie January 1, 2009 6:17 PM  

I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. She passed on the day after my daughter was born.

Susan January 6, 2009 8:56 AM  

My Dad was diagnosed with NHL in March, 2008. He was only 63 when he died on June 28, 2008. The holidays were tougher than I thought they'd be, but it gets a little easier each day.
I still haven't been able to write about him, or the experience, on my blog, but hopefully someday soon I will be able to.

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